Little Sarah Palin

Some of you have asked if I was surprised when Sarah Palin became governor of Alaska and then ran for vice president of the United States and then became a Fox News commentator. Was I surprised? You betcha! I mean, who wouldn’t be surprised? After all, this is little Sarah Palin, the cute and spunky little girl with the big eyeglasses who sat next to me in my kindergarten class at P.S. 9 in my old hometown of Yonkers, New York.

Not only did Sarah sit next to me in her little desk  right alongside my own  little kindergarten desk. She also lay down next to me at nap time when our teacher, Miss  Crabtree, instructed us all to roll out our mats and take a 10-minute nap to rest up after our busy morning of learning the alphabet, learning to count, and learning to get along with all of the other kids.

You probably guessed, though, that Sarah didn’t nap. Sure, she rolled out her mat when Miss Crabtree told us to. But then Sarah just sprawled out on her back, eyes wide open, resting the back of her head on her arms, and just gazed up at the ceiling through those big designer eyeglasses, and smiled that big  smile we’ve all come to know and love.

It  occurs to me now that little Sarah Palin was smiling because she already knew that someday she would move to Alaska and become governor and then run for vice president and then become a Fox commentator and then maybe someday become the first woman president even though all of the so-called smart people thought the first woman president would be Hillary Clinton.

I’m thinking that I actually played a role in a somewhat historic event…It may well be that the first time Sarah ever winked that  famous wink, she winked at me! Except she was probably thinking about the great life she had ahead of her — while I thought she was flirting!

Long story short, after nap time it was finger painting time, so we all put on our painting smocks and stepped up to our easels. Miss Crabtree looked at Sarah’s finger painting creation — the entire sheet was covered with gray paint — and asked Sarah was it was called. I’ll never forget Sarah’s reply: “Gee whiz, Miss Crabtree, can’t you tell”! It’s a close-up of a gray elephant!!”

That’s when Sarah winked at me. I melted faster than a glacier in the Bering Sea.

My own big sheet of paper was slathered with red paint.  Miss Crabtree asked, “Nicky, what’s the name of your painting?” I replied, “Red.”

But what it was really called, although I was just too shy to say it, was “Valentine for Little Sarah Palin.”

Little Sarah Palin… Politically precocious. My first crush. Killer wink.

Pale horse, pale rider, Palin

The end is near. It’s got to be. If it isn’t, then why is the Pope on television kicking off a weeklong, worldwide marathon reading of the Bible? And why is Sarah Palin actually being taken seriously as a vice presidential candidate? I say expect the pale rider on the pale horse any minute now. Am I the only one who just noticed that Sarah Palin’s surname is PALE-in? Come to think of it, am I the only one who just realized that John McCain  is so pale and white-haired that he could pass for Johnny and Edgar Winter’s uncle?  

The pale rider on his pale horse, heading toward the finishing line

The pale rider on his pale horse, heading toward the finish line

Anyway, I’m assuming the Bible-reading marathon was inspired by the marathon readings of James Joyce’s “Ulysses” held every June 23 to mark “Bloomsday” or maybe the marathon readings held last year to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the publication of Kerouac’s “On the Road.”

According to the Associated Press:

Pope Benedict XVI’s “”In the beginning” started off a weeklong Bible-reading marathon on Italian television Sunday.  RAI state TV began its program called “”The Bible Day and Night,” with Benedict reciting the first chapter of the book of Genesis … the holy text’s opening verses about the creation of the world…The marathon will feature more than 1,200 people reading the Old and New Testament in over seven days and six nights…The Bible marathon is scheduled to end Oct. 5, when Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, the Vatican’s No. 2 official, will read the last chapter of the Apocalypse.

Like most people, my favorite part of the Book of Revelations is a toss-up between the part about the mark of the beast and the part about the great whore of Babylon. But my next-favorite part is where the seventh seal is opened to reveal that the two beasts are…well, let’s just get right to the point and note that an email I’ve received SEVERAL times in the last few months says careful reading of the Bible proves that Barack Obama is the anti-Christ and that the end times are at hand, and now we’ve got the second-ranking official at the Vatican reading about the Apocalypse in a nationwide TV broadcast and a second-rate second-ranking member of the GOP presidential ticket who believes that Alaska will be the refuge for all the true-believin’ Joe Six Packs and hockey moms when the Rapture comes, that Earth was created 6,000 years ago and that the Apocalypse will start in that gosh-darned Middle East.

“Drill, baby, drill?” Well, of course. It all makes sense now. If we don’t have good, old-fashioned American oil and natural gas, doggone it, then how the heck will we keep hell’s fires burning?

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