It’s all starting to fit together, like one big preordained Zen puzzle, like a good mystery with a surprise twist that you never suspected but makes absolutely perfect sense in retrospect.
It started when I read an article about a worldwide marathon reading of the Bible, starting with the Pope intoning “In the Beginning…” all the way through to some time next week when a cardinal in Rome will read the chapters of the Book of Revelations, which describes the Apocalypse.
I seize opportunity when I sees it. So I quickly wrote a satirical essay titled “Pale Horse, Pale Rider, Palin.”
Then CNN.com — possibly because it uses an automated search engine that prowls blogs for keywords and phrases but more likely because it was preordained by God as part of the sequence of events He’s planned for the End Times — picked up on my essay and linked to it on their European news page and the Associated Press article about the Pope kicking off that forementioned Bible-reading marathon.
God bless the Pope. God bless Sarah Palin. God bless St. John the Divine, who wrote the Book of Revelations. God bless all of you who are reading this. And God bless CNN because its link to my “Pale Horse, Pale Rider, Palin” essay led more than 100 people to my Web site in less than a day!
But despite that good news for Nicholas DiGiovanni’s World of Wonders, the stock market plummeted again today, dropping as much as 800 points during the course of the day, and you know the Book of Revelations has to have something in there that refers to bulls and bears and the “crash” at the end of days, and that there has to be something in there about Sarah Palin if you read between the lines, and that there’s also got to be some sort of cryptic reference in there to a “world of wonders.” But we need one more piece to complete this metaphysical puzzle. And this could be it:
The Internet is abuzz with the news that a medium named Blossom Goodchild has received a message from an alien race called the Federation of Light announcing that one of their huge spaceships will visit Earth next Tuesday, Oct. 14, and will hover for three days and three nights in the skies over the state of ALABAMA, which makes absolute sense if you think about it.
Here’s the link to Blossom Goodchild’s Web site, where you’ll find the complete text of the message she received from the Federation of Light:
Meanwhile, it’s too late for me to log into my 401(k) and switch from stocks to less-risky investment choices like government bonds and Treasury notes. But it’s not too late for me to post this to my Web site and hope that maybe the folks who run the Federation of Light’s Web site like it enough to include it in their blog links and maybe generate some intergalatic page visits to my site before the aliens arrive in Alabama and fry all of laptop computers with their heat-ray guns (see above).