I don’t know about all of you, but I haven’t been able to break away from watching the live hearings being televised on C-SPAN as Alaska legislators debate the proposal to rename their state in honor of Sarah Palin.

The debate, in case you haven’t been following this, isn’t over whether to change the state’s name. Everyone’s in agreement on that — of course!

The argument is over whether to change the name of Alaska to PALINSKA or PALASKA.

I think it’s a no-brainer. Think about it. What gets Sarah Palin really mad? When she sees all of those fat cats in Washington, D.C, our nation’s capital, spending our money like it’s their money and like you and I have magic wallets or pocketbooks that just keep making more and more greenbacks, right? Ten thousand dollar toilets? Health care for everyone? Spending zillions of dollars on alternative energy when there’s tons of oil right there under those melting glaciers up there in Alaska?

So it really comes down to money. If  “Alaska” becomes “Palinska” that will require changing “Ala” to “Palin,” which involves a total of eight letters, which would have to be changed on every single map, in every single book, on every “Greetings from Alaska” postcard, and every single “Welcome to Alaska, Where Sarah Palin’s From” sign. Eight letters to change in every single place Alaska is mentioned. Lots of money we can’t afford to spend.

On the other hand, change the name of Alaska to “Palaska” and there’s only the one letter “P” to add. Way cheaper.

So, come on, Alaska legislators! Stop arguing. Just look at these two maps. Here’s what the map looks like now:

And here’s what it should look like after you all stop arguing:

Case closed! Welcome to Palaska!


2 thoughts on “Sarah Palin’s just all over the map

  1. This just in. After last evening’s Vimeo vid from Sarah Palin in which she claims to be a victim of Blood Libel because some folks kinda, sorta blame the rampage in Tucson on her and her penchant for firearms metaphors, it’s clear now that Sarah is Jewish and is the first Jewish governor north of the 50th parallel. (Blood Libel is a vicious slander slapped against Jews for centuries). The Alaska Legislature, meeting today on the urging of Jewish lawmakers, is considering changing the state’s name to Palaskawitz. Some of their Protestant brothers and sisters feel, however, the name should be kept as short, clean and efficient as the present moniker, and prefer Plaski. “The Great State of Plaski will bring new visitors, some of those last remaining Polish Jews,” one Representative said on the House floor. Catholic legislators are less sanguine overall about the name change but realize that Poland remains a very Catholic country, and they too are urging a shorter name. They first settled on Palinski, but then opted for a more Catholic-Jewish hybrid, McPalohen. Votes are yet to be taken, however. Stay tuned.

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