Wading River winds its way quietly through New Jersey's Pine Barrens.

We’re paddling an aluminum canoe down the Wading River, which — at least at this time of year — is more accurately a glorified stream, hardly worthy of its designation as a river but certainly ideal for wading — moving slowly, meandering through the cool, dark Pine Barrens of southern New Jersey, hardly moving in spots and barely deep enough to float a canoe without scraping along the sandy bottom.
The river’s water is the color of rust — I assume from something residing in the pine bark or the rich damp soil.

Most of all my paddling companion and I savor what is often a pure and total silence, broken only by the splash of our paddles and the occasional whispered “Isn’t this beautiful?”

But just as we round a bend in the Wading River, the world turns topsy-turvy. We get hung up on a barely submerged log which lurks in the tea-colored water, just beneath the surface. The canoe gets turned sideways. One of us tries pushing off the log. The other tries using a paddles to push off the riverbank. Suddenly I am submerged, feet seeking the bottom, mind asking whither the light and whence the air.

The answer comes within seconds as I push up out of the water and back into the bright and breathing world. I seek and find my canoeing cohort, then lunge for my “Mick’s Canoe Rentals” baseball cap,” then join forces to tip over the water-filled canoe, then praise the gods of nature and the consumer economy when I discover with wonder that my brand-new iPhone has survived its river plunge thanks to that amazing technological innovation known as the ziploc bag — although there’s a flipside to this wonder…my companion’s phone, also ziplocked, does not survive — we actually hear it sizzle as its circuits and chips first fry then die.

Canoe dry and pointed in the right direction once again, we continue, warning the occasional inner-tuber to get out of our way if they value their lives and limbs…watching the riverbanks hopefully for signs of alligators…daydreaming about Bogart and Hepburn aboard the African Queen…sun burning our arms, legs and faces…blue sky through the pine trees looking like it never ends…finally completing our voyage from Hawkin Bridge to Evans Bridge, somehow making the three-hour journey in about two-and-a-half, and so we sit on the sandy beach and sip from a water bottle and eat cheddar-cheese Combos as we wait for a rickety old school bus to come and take us away from nirvana’s luminous shore.

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2 thoughts on “Down a lazy river

  1. Glad this had a happy ending, Natty Bumpo. In fact, your almost make it sound like a dump in the river was expected after all, part of the experience. I’m guessing you paddled under a hot sun even though the Pine Barren are “cool, dark.” How else could you feel comfortable sitting in the canoe again after you got wet?

  2. Glad this had a happy ending, Natty Bumpo. In fact, your almost make it sound like a dump in the river was expected after all, part of the experience. I’m guessing you paddled under a hot sun even though the Pine Barren are “cool, dark.” How else could you feel comfortable sitting in the canoe again after you got wet?

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