I thought I was simply buying a replacement for the pocket comb I’d misplaced. But I was getting a lesson in life, courtesy of a Denver-based company called Handy Solutions whose slogan, according to the comb’s packaging,  is “Solutions for an Active Life.”

Right off the bat, the folks at Handy Solutions gave me something to contemplate. Does the fact that I comb my hair on a regular basis mean that I am living an “active life?” If I stopped combing my hair, would that make me a lazy bum? And where do bald people fit into  the active life/lazy life equation?

Beneath the company logo on the back of the packaging is this boast: UNBREAKABLE.

Is this bold confidence or ignorant arrogance? I bent the comb as far as I could bend it – and, I must say, it didn’t break. But UNBREAKABLE? Even if someone much stronger than me — Superman, for example — tried to break it? I wonder if the folks at Handy Solutions considered these possibilities before they made their remarkable claim (which, by the way, is backed by a guarantee — if the comb breaks, or if there is any kind of problem with the comb, I can return it “with a brief explanation” and the company will send me a replacement comb AND refund my postage.

Finally, the comb experts at Handy Solutions (“Solutions for An Active Life”) offer these  HEALTHY HAIR TIPS:

* Do not comb wet hair

* Comb hair in the direction of hair growth

* Clean comb before and after use

What happens if one combs one’s hair while it’s wet? By telling me to clean my comb before and after use, are the folks at Handy Solutions just being helpful — or are they trying to make some sort of not-so-subtle comment about my hair hygiene? And, finally, if we all combed our hair in the direction of hair growth, wouldn’t we all look like Moe from the Three Stooges?

We should all comb our hair in the same direction? What are we? Communists?!

Wait. I just examined the fine print and read, of course, this: “Made in China.” So this is what it’s come to…now we’re even outsourcing 99-cent pocket combs. Next thing you know, mark my words, Chinese restaurants are going to start popping up in every American city and town, and then China’s going to want to host the Summer Olympics, and before you know it we’ll all be ordered by the Communists to comb our hair exactly the same way.

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