It’s so quiet, so dark, so Virginia…so not New Jersey. There are at least six thousand stars in the sky – about 5,990 more than I can typically see in the night sky of Central New Jersey.
The train whistle I hear isn’t the Amtrak train barreling toward Penn Station…it’s a freight train bound for Lynchburg — and maybe bound for glory as it barrels toward the city of the smug zealot Jerry Falwell, founder of the Moral Majority and Liberty University, a city where you can walk into a wonderful friendly place called Dudley’s and order brains and eggs and grits for breakfast, and to that I simply say “No, thanks, y’all,” to both the scrambled brains and to the late Mr. Falwell’s self-righteous and scrambled-brain brand of religion.
Last night I heard the yip and bark of coyotes in the woods. Tonight I think I also heard the screech of a bobcat and a hoot owl’s hoot. This is what you call authentic. I half-expect to hear a knock at my writing studio door to find John-Boy Walton and Daniel Boone and Buck Owens and the Buckaroos inviting me to the hoedown over in Danville.
Time for a little mood music on a Saturday night in a place that’s lovely, but clearly and definitely south of the Mason-Dixon line:


One thought on “Back in Old Virginny

  1. No, you are not in Joisey any more. On the other hand, this place is crawling with people from the Old Country. With the right contacts you can, almost, get all the things necessary for a full life. In spite of the fact that being caught smuggling Taylor Ham into Virginia is a capital offense… it’s available, if you know the right people. Real bagels & real bread too. Again, if you know the right people.
    Sounds like you are across from Sweet Briar. Their ongoing work in the use of horses as an aid to masturbation, for young women, is widely recognized as the most advanced in the world. Liberty University leads the world in praying gay people straight. All things considered…. Well, the property taxes are absurdly low, the climate is nice and the scenery is beautiful. It’s where the mountain people of the North-West Highlands of Joisey come to grow old and die. I hope you enjoy your stay.

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